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Last night I had a dream about Diva Cups. They didn't make an extended appearance, just long enough for me to remember this morning at work and to go "heh" at the thought. Thanks a LOT, naturalliving community! It probably also doesn't help that it's also that time of the month for me.
The last time I was at BYU I participated in a clarinet choir. For the concert at the end of the year, we played an arrangement of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," and it was very, very fun to play. I mean, imagine 14 clarinets sounding like Freddy Mercury and those guitar riffs. It totally rocked. So, that managed to make its way into my dreams last night, too. My dreams are so wonky lately. Of course I don't remember them vividly, but little flashes here and there.
Diva Cups and Queen: I'm sure my subconscious found a way to connect those ideas. Thunderbolts and lightning. Very, very frightening.
The weather today was warmer than Jacksonville and Austin. Pretty crazy. Last time I checked my latitude was considerably further north than those other places.
Insight: I never thought being able to look down to shave my armpits would be something I'd take for granted. My neck is still a little stiff, and when I've showered these past few days, I realized I'm going to sing hymns of gratitude when my neck is better and I am able to crane my view for a closer shave. The little things, you know?
I've been thinking about folk music. I like it a lot. I've been looking up various artists and where they tour. Many of them skip right over NYC. They go to Vancouver and Charlotte and New Hampshire and Austin and Montana and even LOGAN, UTAH. I'm going to focus my musical interests for a while; I want to get to know more artists in this genre. I want to find them in little nooks of rural America writing of humanity and purer ways of life.
Acoustic guitars, maybe drums
Melody, rhythm
Words that pierce
Piercing
Straight up
No fluff
Just passion
Poignance
Reaching (to) me like nothing else could.
***
I recently finished reading Bridge to Terabithia. I read it multiple times as a child, and when I picked it up last week, those memories of fourth grade flooded my mind. The first time I heard of the book was in Mrs. Flowers's class. Gerald Adams Elementary School. Key West, Florida. Mrs. Flowers was my homeroom teacher. Dad teased me all the time about being the teacher's pet. She had blonde hair, brown eyes, and she was from Alabama. Her husband was a patrolman.
Since Mrs. Flowers was from Alabama, she knew how to read Terabithia. It was the first time I heard the expression "Oh, lord" to relate frustration or impatience. It was my first wholehearted investment into fiction. I got to know Jessie and Leslie and their families. I remembered wanting to be a part of their school. I remembered how cool it was how Leslie beat all the boys in the races on the first day of school. I remembered really liking Leslie.
I think my fondness for Jessie and Leslie grew over the years. When I first started the reread, I was in my fourth grade classroom in my mind's eye. The fluorescent lights dimmed, our heads down while Mrs. Flowers read to us. The one bulb that was on in the corner flickered and hummed. I could smell that classroom, and Leslie pushed my imagination just as she did Jessie's. They were my friends. I wondered if my classmates felt the same way. I wondered if my art teacher would ever take me to a museum. I knew that those kids were special.
What I didn't know was death. What I couldn't entirely imagine was Jessie's grief. I'd moved before, I'd left friends behind, and I knew how sad that made me, but I didn't think it was the same. I couldn't quite relate.
And then I reread the book last week, the memories and feelings from fourth grade and all the experience I've gained in the following 24 years came to a head as I reached the end of Terabithia. All that I had experienced of loss: the grief, the healing, the growth and starting anew flashed before me as I read of Jessie's reaction to Leslie's death.
I cried and cried and cried. Those tears didn't come when I was nine years old. Not like that, at least.
How did Mrs. Flowers know this book would affect me forever?
***
In other news, a friend of mine whose dad is a photographer for BYU came out to shoot for the Carnegie Hall show. She saved me a seat. Her dad related that the conductor of the chamber orchestra paid someone (the hall?) to record their performance. Because it's Carnegie Hall, where the acoustics are perfect. Except you know what? The recording isn't worth beans now because of the SCREAMING AND CRYING BABY in the background. It's a shame, people.
The park was beautiful this evening. I can't believe how out of shape I am. I did three sets of 10 pushups, and I know I won't be able to do so much as open a door in the morning. That's okay. Tonight's run has made me realize how much I need to clear my mind. Or at least focus my thoughts.
I saw two things on the subway today. This morning on my way to work from seminary, I saw what must have been the hairiest man I have ever seen. Probably of thousands of jokes exist about the missing link, but this man, he was no joke. I was standing right next to him on the 2 train. He was wearing a polo shirt. He had dark hair that was greying. I happened to look down at his arm, and then I was confused, because my mind went to a kitchen place where they keep steel wool under the sink, you know, in the case of those especially tough stains. That man's arm could scour my pots and pans. Oh man. He had little tufts sticking out from the vee at the front of his shirt, and even at the back of his collar. I did not even want to think about his back. Ew, people.
On my way to the park after work, I was just minding my own business on the train when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was a friend from all the way uptown. We talked for a couple minutes until she had to get off a couple stops later. I was glad to see her. If I still lived up in that neighborhood, it wouldn't be as big of a deal. But, when you've joined a couple million commuters at the end of the day, it really helps to see a familiar face.
72 degrees today. It's hard being cranky on a Monday when it's so, so beautiful outside.
- Mood:
nervous
So, I have leftovers in the fridge, chili in the freezer. This week, the last week of my month of not eating out, I'll work on leftovers. I have to confess, however, I did get a falafel sandwich for lunch once this past week. I don't think I could have made my own big falafel sandwich for less than $3, with the lettuce, tomato, chickpeas, pita, tahini and hot sauces. Sometimes they throw other vegetables in, too. And sometimes, if I'm lucky, some pita chips and a grape leaf. Lunch could have been much worse.
Outside of that, I've had oatmeal for breakfast, sometimes a Clif bar. Lunch that I bring from home, a piece of fruit as a snack. Then I come home and snack on a piece of toast with honey. Have I talked about this honey? It's amazing. And I lied when I said it was $5 for five pounds. Five pounds is A LOT, and the poor farmer would have gotten ripped off if he sold it for that cheap. The jar I have is a pound, which is plenty. But people, this magic elixir is so delicious and thick, and the sweetness is perfect. My toast (oatmeal, pancakes, lemonade, fruit) thanks me for using it.
The sun finally broke the sky today, after the past few cloudy, dreary days. It's 67 degrees now, clear skies. In pure defiance of the chilly weather we've had, I wore my pink, summery wraparound skirt to church, with a bright green non-winter scarf. Bright colors to encourage the sun, people. And yes, I'm taking full credit for the weather right now. All those others wearing black who wear nothing but black can go fly a kite. Or jump in a lake. Or stick it where the sun don't shine. Because right now? that isn't New York City.
- Mood:
loving the weather
Came back to the apartment and watched most of Fiddler on the Roof.
Went to Junior's for sandwiches and cheesecake.
We have some time to hang out this morning, then we're back to our lives as usual.
I've had a really, really fun time.
It's not super cold today. It's supposed to reach the 60s by the end of this week.
And, it's supposed to rain a lot. Thanks a lot, spring.
You know what, though? The trees are blooming, and it's perfect.
Seriously.
About an inch of snow is on the ground. Between today and tomorrow, the flakes will turn into drops and will most iikely melt today's silky, white layer. Ah well.
Yesterday in seminary we discussed the story of David and Bath-Sheba. I had one student in class. It was the boyfriend of another student. He's not a member of the church, but he's a great kid, and he's completely enamored with the girl. SO, ... anyway, ... we talked about at which points David should have made different choices that wouldn't have led to adultery THEN murder. I wrote the sequence of events on the board. We were staring up at the board, and I knew I had to ask the question. Because he's a guy. Because I knew he's dating a really cool girl. And I care about my students.
"Um, speaking of choices, have you and [your girlfriend] talked about ... boundaries?"
He said yes. Then I rambled about stuff like respect and the importance of communication. Crazy awkward. If this were a scene in a sitcom, I'd be laughing. The uncomfortable kind. It was okay, though.
The other teacher taught today. Before the discussion started, she asked the class - the boyfriend and girlfriend this time - what they remember from yesterday. We already established only the guy was in class yesterday, and the teacher acknowledged how that must have been "interesting."
However, it was the girl who responded to the question, with a question, "Was that about boundaries?"
Ridiculous. How proud I felt. Boyfriend not only remembered the story, but also enough of the lesson to tell the girlfriend.
I know - I KNOW - they be behaving. Woo!
- Mood:
proud
Distance | |
Route | |
Weather | |
Time |
So here's the route. I even brought my metrocard in case I felt like giving up and taking the train home. I subtracted all the time I stopped for traffic, so that's the true time. Comfortable pace. What bugs is when people do not look before they decide to step into the pedestrian flow. I don't know how many people cut me off this evening. Some even actually looked in my direction, and I would assume they saw me coming, and they'd step onto the sidewalk just as I was approaching them. Nothing's more annoying than the last-minute sidestep. It's a good thing I wasn't going all that fast; I'd imagined running people over or pushing them out of my way and yelling at them if I had the "rage." But, I don't, so I didn't.
Yesterday was really windy. Seriously. I work on the 40th floor of my building. The ventilation system was echoing as the wind whistled through it. The building was creaking. At times, I found myself losing balance when I stood up, because THE BUILDING WAS SWAYING. It wasn't noticeable until I almost tipped over like I was on the anti-sobriety brigade. A friend who works on the 45th floor of Chase Plaza, just across the street, said that HER OFFICE DOOR WAS SLOWLY SWINGING. Scary! Oh, engineers, I'm sure glad you know how to do your jobs.
This morning, my eyes popped open at 4:30, an entire hour before my alarm was supposed to go off. So I got up and read the story we were discussing in seminary, about Eli and his sons, and Samuel's appointment to be a priest and judge. I finished by 5:00, so I dozed off for another half-hour. During my lunch hour, I took the green express line to 86th Street to pick up a race package from New York Road Runners. So I took a little nap on the way up. When I got home, I took another mini-snooze before my run. Naps are nice.
I'm modifying the rule about drawing words from the box every day. It was annoying me. How about if I can't think about anything, I'll take one to get me started. Turtles, sheesh.
I've got an allergy thing going on. Drippy nose, sneezing.
- Mood:
pooped
What am I going to do today, Valentines Day? Well, I have to work. But what next? I might attend an adult scripture study class. Same course material, but about two weeks behind my seminary class. I could go home and lesson-plan and do some homework, which looks like what may actually happen.
***
I really like the way "things" are going.
***
It occurred to me during a Sunday School class that discussed why bad things happen, Why DO bad things happen? What's with all the tragedy and catastrophe? What's the point of it all? Yes, God can stop it from happening. All of it. In the same vein, though, why doesn't he stop people from sinning? Why not just shove perfection down our throats; why not have the world stage unanimous, puppeted goodness? Where is the value in making hard choices?
Learning, progression, glory. Three simple words, but by no means are they the easy answer. Don't deny yourself the experience of the process. Don't try to dismiss or ignore pain and anger and sadness. Don't wallow in it, either. Remember who you are and who and what you love. Keep going.
- Mood:
contemplative
just got back from a bike ride.
crossing the gw bridge, i looked down at the water.
looked as if someone poured a pile of giant ice crystal corn flakes in the bowl of the hudson.
i layered up.
5 minutes into it, i was sweating, except for my legs, which were still cold.
but, up a couple of hills, and those legs of mine warmed right up.
so, headed west and north a ways toward nyack.
10 to 15 miles total.
back across the bridge.
shaking my head.
riding my bike? pretty dang fun, though.
wish i was a cornflake girl ...
We need one good blast. A few inches, even a blizzard, to blanket the city, soften it.
Went for a run last night. Ideally, I'd like to go every day. I should go every day, some sort of exercise. Went for four miles. I saw other runners parallel to me on the sidewalk across the street. A few ran facing me. We established eye contact for a blink, just long enough to exchange that runners' understanding. Similar to when writers get together, or read books about writers' sympathies; or when knitters talk about skeins and needles or when moms trade recipes or when yogis know about each others' poses and stretches and burns in muscle and flexibility and the lengthening of the body. Yeah, like that.
It has stopped snowing. The sun is shining now.
I'm now on season 3 of Little House on the Prairie. I put the disc in the player and the theme song started to play. It's all ... synthesized. No, no, no, no, no. The theme song is supposed to keep that country feel, beat, and sound. However, the first four episodes seem to stay true to the spirit of the show. Mary and John, Jr. do love each other, but John, Jr. was meant to be a writer, and he did get a full scholarship to the university in Chicago. Nellie Oleson is the biggest brat ever. Half-pint is still impetuous and worlds of spunky. Carrie is still a prop. Charles and Caroline are such an attractive couple. I love that show.
It's okay that I'm not currently dating anyone. I'm enjoying the fact that I am ready. That I could be dating. I'm in a pretty good place right now: studying, helping others, improving myself. I don't understand how I'm deserving of all of this. Nevertheless, I am grateful.
- Mood:
content
Church today was good. In Sunday School, we wrapped up the Old Testament, and this year we're studying the New Testament. We're studying The Doctrine and Covenants and Church History in seminary, and we're reading the Book of Mormon. That's a lot to be reading. I'm up for it, though.
Oh, here are some pics of the friends I ran the new year's midnight run with:
I am such a poser.
The one on the left is 5'10" and the one on the right is 6'. I promise I have shorter friends.
Yes, I'm giving her a piggyback ride!
Self-portrait. Good thing my tall friends also have long arms.
We struck this pose because someone said, "America's Next Top Model!"
Pretty hot, eh?
I like how this year is shaping already.
I'm also glad to be inside.
More from The Writing Life:
A well-known writer got collared by a university student who asked, "Do you think I could be a writer?"
"We'll," the writer said, "I don't know. ... Do you like sentences?"
The writer could see the student's amazement. Sentences? Do I like sentences? I am twenty years old and do I like sentences? If he had liked sentences, of course, he could begin, like a joyful painter I knew. I asked him how he came to be a painter. He said, "I liked the smell of the paint."
***
The more I go through this life, the more I realize what I love I've seen naked. Barebones. Elemental. My dear Watson.
I DO love sentences. I like the diagramming. I like staring at one for days, wondering if it feels right, if I should leave it alone or mold it.
I love running. I love my need for mobility; one foot in front of the other, shifting coordinates, tweaking my body mechanics.
I love my friends and family. Of course I've seen them naked, all the way through them, to their very souls.
Brr.
- Mood: content
Christmas songs are bouncing around in my head and shooting out of my mouth. Yeah, quite randomly like that, a lottery of Christmas spurts. The next number is ... "Jingle Bells!" and wait, it's only part of the song before I hum the same three lines of "White Christmas" and then all of a sudden it's "Joy to the World" and so forth.
"Dashing through the snow
in a one-horse open sleigh
o'er the fields we go
laughing all the way ...
to hear sleighbells in the snow
...may your days be merry and bright
and may all your Christmases be white
...to hear sleighbells in the snow
...may your days be merry and bright
and may all your Christmases be white
...Joy to the world! The Lord is come
let Earth receive her King!
Let every heart prepare him room
...Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
but the very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it someone special..."
Yay! I win!
- Mood: bouncy
- What's Playing?:what could be next?!?
Beautiful day today. High near 50. Most of the trees around are nothing but grey trunks with tendrils, trying to retreat into the earth until the days get longer and warmer. they're stuck, though. The earth can't hold any more below the surface without breaking and making a mountain.
We're dipping down into the 20s tomorrow. I don't know if we'll rise into the 30s.
I'm extremely wide awake right now, despite having no caffeine and waking up 3 or 4 times during the night. The first hour of sleep was pretty solid. I woke up at 1:40 thinking I was going to be late for work. Then again between 2:00 and 3:00. Again around 4:30. Then at 6:15, when my alarm went off.
Tonight, I'm having the sister missionaries over for dinner and a church discussion. They're getting marinated chicken and roasted potatoes and salad. I'm pretty excited about that.
- Mood:
a little confused
Whoever came up with the phrases “cold snap” and “heat wave” are brilliant. It’s perfect imagery.
It is 64 degrees right now. I wore a turtleneck to work. I’d be scared, because it’s toocold-toosoon, but I see the forecast will reach the 80s again next week. Hold off, there, winter. It’s not quite your time.
I just got off the phone with my freshman roommate from BYU. She and her sisters are visiting NYC, and we’ll be catching up over breakfast on Sunday. How long has it been since I’ve seen her? I don’t even know. The phone rings, I don’t recognize the number. I cautiously answer, then she says, “Hey, May! It’s [me]!” Then I call her by her maiden name. Then we make plans to meet. I’m so excited to see her.
Meeting up with my Buffalo law school friend tomorrow night. That’ll be cool.
This is a good season. I haven’t been this juiced about my friends in a good long while.
- Mood:
giddy
When did I start properly capitalizing? Oh, well.
I hope to fit in a bike ride tomorrow night.
I really need to start prepping for this birthday party.
I'd also like to take swimming lessons and improve my swimming. Florida girl with no fins.
Then, the next logical step: triathlon.
Then, the next logical step: never to do a triathlon again.
Hee, hee.
I really, really like this month.
Time to rinse off.
- Mood: endorphinesque
Today was a fantastic Sunday. Lots of spiritual feasting and spending time with folks who I really respect.
Sometimes I question my ability to respect people.
I was walking home with a mom and her four kids after church. I forget what the third child said, but the mom said she was experimenting with different expressions. The mom's favorite of her daughter's expressions is, "One of these days my genius will be recognized!" This daughter is four years old. Totally cracks me up.
Perfect day weatherwise. In fact I met up with this same family later today at Fort Tryon Park. We chatted and tossed the frisbee a bit, and it was a pretty fun time. Except for the moment when the aforementioned third child started climbing a wall, if she had fallen over, would have dropped at least 30 feet. Fearless, these children, so much so we adults more than compensate for it, on conscious and densely subconscious levels.
A new week is upon us. This is still my month. Yippee!
- Mood: this smiley does it for me
- What's Playing?:I just finished watching Whale Rider
Oh well.
The weather has been beautiful lately. I'm wearing a plum skirt, knee length. The tanline at my ankles is quite obvious. My feet haven't seen the sun in a good while.
Let's see. Am I going to get any exercise this week? I can squeeze in a run before the temple tomorrow night. I can run a little Saturday morning, and I might also take my bike out, too. Yes, all that sounds very good. Anyone who wants to come along is more than welcome.
Sunday after church, I might take the rabbits out to the park. Oh, how the other park-goers love to watch the rabbits.
I'm thinking of throwing a party for my 30th birthday. Anyone who wants can come to that, too.
30, hee.
- Mood:
chipper
Mega roller coaster of a week. Goodness gracious. Gleaned some relevant things at church. Talked with some really choice people. Feeling better about relationships in general. Making new friends.
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
The sun is peeking out. Oh, my. Feeling pretty darn good.
- Mood: refreshed
Now, I'm getting ready for a church meeting. Hopefully the rain will have let up. Man, I wish I had a garden the rain could enjoy. I should make a trip to Central Park one of these afternoons while it's still early spring.
Make sure you recycle. Reduce. Reuse. And turn off your lights when you're not using them. If you're in a place that has mass transit, use it. Or trade in your gas guzzler for a hybrid. Recharge your batteries. Vote against industrial dumping into our waters to decrease the mercury amounts in seafood so that our and future generations don't get as many neurological disorders. Save the whales. Shop at farmers markets. Weave all your clothes and jewelry from hemp. You can borrow my loom if you want.
You don't have to go overboard. You know, exercise some moderation. Don't be wasteful, or I will punch you. A little conscientiousness from everybody will go a long, long way.
Can't wait to go out and breathe in that freshly cleaned air. Thank goodness for spring rains in New York City.
- Mood: refreshed
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