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I can't help it. It's probably the only real, current bandwagon I'll jump onto, but I played for the first time in Charlotte, North Carolina. We played the Olympics one. We played the table tennis event. In real life I'd never be as good at ping-pong as I am on Wii. I was winning 10 to 5, one more point to take the game. And then what happened? I choked. I lost. It was Olympics drama at its best.
I want that feeling back. I've lost that Wii-ing feeling, people, and now it's gone, gone, gone. Whoa, whoa, oh. I've been searching different stores online for prices and availability, and I really can't afford a Wii right now, and I would hate to go into debt to get one. So, this is a petition, dear Internet. Please get me a Wii. I know you wouldn't want me to charge it on a credit card, and I know you'd want me to take the gold medal from my formidable opponent. In the spirit of the Olympics, and because you love me, would you please, please, please get me a Wii. I'm sure it would also help me finish my degree and improve my writing, as well as my coordination and dexterity.
VH1's 100 Top Songs of the 80s is on. Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" just played. That takes me back to slumber parties with one of my best friends in Key West, Kathy Bruening. I was 9, she was 10. We'd turn on Cyndi up to full-blast and keep the night lights on for effect and hold our hairbrush microphones and stand on the bed and lip sync with such passion and sass for our adoring fans.
Sometimes I think I could still do that. I think I still do that. It's embarrassing and should be outlawed and enforced immediately. That's why I need a Wii.
I appreciate capitalism. I'm all for giving to and taking from a dynamic economy. I understand the need for competition and how that affects supply and demand. I get the pretty delicate balance of keeping ahead of the competition while not monopolizing the market. The consumer appreciates cost-cutting methods; everyone likes to save money. What I don't quite understand is how huge merchandisers can cut costs and attract consumers and bring in oodles of revenue, and yet, their employees are paid so little they can't even afford the products in the stores where they work.
I like the little guy. The underdog. I like local markets and mom-and-pop shops. Everyone needs a shot at making it where his passions are. I mean, we've seen it get to where the corporations steamroll small business, and those who have been pummeled just brush it off and swallow their pride and end up working for the corporations. Often they end up making more than they would running their own businesses. And that's okay if they've accepted the untimeliness of their ventures.
The overpowering of smaller businesses is not cool. Seeing them thrive, observing their quirks and quaintnesses and giving personal and sincere attention warms my heart. Nothing would seem to be more gratifying than providing a service or product that people like and keep coming back to. It seems less distant, more genuine. I have a few friends that have gone into business together: web design, programming, marketing and consulting. The three of them make a pretty good team. They are competing against not only many other small businesses, but the giants with hundreds or thousands of employees.
How is what my friends offer any different or better than anyone else? How long will they last? Can they keep up? Capitalism brings in a number of variables and not a whole lot of guarantees. The beauty of capitalism is not one company's total domination over its competition, it's the opportunity to give it a go, knowing you have to start up just like hundreds of thousands of others trying to do the same thing. It's the swim upstream, it's negotiating position in an unsteady economy, it's doing what you love first and then if it happens to generate income, that's a bonus.
And that's where I'm torn regarding the Democratic party. We live in a republic and by definition, the people rule. And right now, and lot of people want to see the government take control of healthcare and upper tax brackets. They want to see a more even playing field. That's fair, but I don't think it's wise to expect or demand anything too drastic. I don't think the people are prepared for that. I've forgotten nearly everything I learned in high school economics to give a rational explanation why leaning toward higher taxes or bigger tax cuts would not be a good idea. And yet, I can't ignore the current state of the economy. I don't know if I can jump on the opposing party's bandwagon and call that being part of the solution, just because the current party in office seems to be a big part of the problem. There has to be more to it than that.
Our capitalism might be a little bit broken right now; it might be tainted and need to be sent through the wringer, but it does work.
Once I become a citizen of this country, I'm gonna have to register as an Independent, because the bipartisan system we have right now isn't being all that clear for me on either side. While I tend to lean left on a lot of issues, I don't know where I lean on others. I'm scared to lean. Sometimes I feel I'd rather hide.
It's not like I'm spilling out of my shirt, and it's not like every guy who passed by ogled my ventral thorax. And it's not like I could actually tuck in my chin to get a good look at myself, because my neck still hurts. If I stretched my neck to look, I'd end up injuring it more, because nothing's really there.
The end.
Here's part of an email exchange between me and one of the dates I have this month that needs to reschedule:
DATE:
I hear you like independent films and there's a couple I've read about recently that you might enjoy:
"Encounters at the End of the World" at the Film Forum:
http://movies.nytimes.com/2008/06/11/mov
"When Did You Last See Your Father?" at the Angelika or Lincoln Plaza Cinemas:
http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/355176/W
or there's always Indiana Jones or Kung Fu Panda, which I haven't seen yet.
I hope it works out to reschedule.
ME:
I'll go to Philharmonic in the Park, because I plan on living the heck out of the summer here, and that was one of my first cultural experiences when I moved to NYC.
Rescheduling our date is fine. How does Saturday look? Both of the independent movies you suggested look fantastic. The Antarctica one will keep me interested because I tend to hold my breath during underwater scenes, and the father one will hold my attention because of the sex and profanity. I'm game for either. Movie. Either MOVIE.
Looking forward to seeing you,
may
I have jotted down quite a few notes in the last couple of days that I need to address. Some of it has to do with the class I'm taking, some of it has to do with the regular goings on around here.
Mom got two of her wisdom teeth removed. Make sure you go give her a hug.
- Mood:
nerdy
Last night I had a dream about Diva Cups. They didn't make an extended appearance, just long enough for me to remember this morning at work and to go "heh" at the thought. Thanks a LOT, naturalliving community! It probably also doesn't help that it's also that time of the month for me.
The last time I was at BYU I participated in a clarinet choir. For the concert at the end of the year, we played an arrangement of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," and it was very, very fun to play. I mean, imagine 14 clarinets sounding like Freddy Mercury and those guitar riffs. It totally rocked. So, that managed to make its way into my dreams last night, too. My dreams are so wonky lately. Of course I don't remember them vividly, but little flashes here and there.
Diva Cups and Queen: I'm sure my subconscious found a way to connect those ideas. Thunderbolts and lightning. Very, very frightening.
The weather today was warmer than Jacksonville and Austin. Pretty crazy. Last time I checked my latitude was considerably further north than those other places.
Insight: I never thought being able to look down to shave my armpits would be something I'd take for granted. My neck is still a little stiff, and when I've showered these past few days, I realized I'm going to sing hymns of gratitude when my neck is better and I am able to crane my view for a closer shave. The little things, you know?
I've been thinking about folk music. I like it a lot. I've been looking up various artists and where they tour. Many of them skip right over NYC. They go to Vancouver and Charlotte and New Hampshire and Austin and Montana and even LOGAN, UTAH. I'm going to focus my musical interests for a while; I want to get to know more artists in this genre. I want to find them in little nooks of rural America writing of humanity and purer ways of life.
Acoustic guitars, maybe drums
Melody, rhythm
Words that pierce
Piercing
Straight up
No fluff
Just passion
Poignance
Reaching (to) me like nothing else could.
It's going to come down to Stephanie and Richard. Lisa's only there as a prop, a Carrie Ingalls; though I think Carrie Ingalls could probably win over Lisa in the personality department. Richard is an exceptional chef; Stephanie is phenomenal. Richard is innovative and clever; Stephanie is steady and her food is consistently delicious (as if I've eaten it before). Stephanie's opening of her team's restaurant in the restaurant wars episode was beyond impressive. Stephanie is my age; I've already imagined us becoming friends. See, I wouldn't even make her cook gourmet meals whenever she'd come over to hang out. I'd make her kettle corn, and she'd ask for my recipe. I'd ask her about Chicago and she wouldn't even act like she won Top Chef. Then we'd probably go to a water park with the rest of the cast, even Lisa, and anybody else who wants to come along. She and Richard would tease each other about who should have won the finale, and Lisa might be pouting in a corner somewhere, or playing in the kiddie pool. Then, I'd invite Stephanie to church, then on our walk from the subway to the church building we'd run into Abandon and Goblins. And for some reason, Sameer Mishra would be walking along with his family, spelling random hard words, and I'd yell out "numnah!" because I couldn't help it. Then Stephanie would invite everyone over and offer to cook dinner. Then I'd chatter about the whole experience at the next testimony meeting at church. Susan and Tim would bear their testimonies, too.
I like Richard as well. I'd be okay if he won. But, I'm rooting for Stephanie.
Sarah used to get up early in high school and take her showers in the dark.
Becky has the biggest crush on Daryl Hall of anyone I know.
Laura once dated a guy who worked at Disney World, and we got Fast Passes from him. We spent the day with the guy, then I pretended to sleep in my bed in the hotel room while listening to them make out for a little bit.
Lisa's family have more curls in their hair than the entire rest of the world.
Karissa used to like keeping the plastic clear packaging on all her VHS tapes.
Jenny can trill a third-space C on the clarinet better than anyone I know.
Michelle once sang harmony to "Lean on Me" at our freshman ward talent show, and I was impressed.
Kristin used to sing the National Anthem before Detroit Redwings' matches.
Wendy used to play her solo festival pieces by heart, walking around the classroom while she played. Super-hard, grade 7 pieces, like they were no big deal.
Matt used to run his track events in high school without any underwear. Just his shorts. This is not a lie. Footage exists somewhere, if it hasn't been destroyed.
Greg once ate my leftover fries at lunch without knowing that I licked them first. He also flew me home a couple of times with his frequent flyer miles.
Andrea is not as closeted a Celtic Thunder fan as I once thought.
Meredith gave up her job in PR to work for Magnolia Bakery. She frosted a cake for Matthew Broderick for Sarah Jessica Parker's birthday.
Ray got to high-five Stephen Colbert.
Kate once got me admitted into BYU just by stepping into someone's office and getting a signature.
I made out with Philip a couple times on the band bus coming home from practice festivals. We were going out at the time. And this is when Joel Agcon liked me. He was a senior.
Meg Hutchinson sent me an email the other day (read: I received the monthly newsletter), and part of it was actually a message from her:
And the end of June will find me travelling the midwest and sharing shows with the very talented Rose Cousins and Rose Polenzani. That week will mark my first visit to The Ark in Ann Arbor, and a headline show at Uncommon Ground in Chicago that will include programming about green initiatives in the area. So I encourage you to come early for the show and hear about local growers, a topic that is close to my heart.
I knew we were friends for a reason.
In other news, I'm getting ready to head to Carnegie Hall to watch the BYU Chamber Orchestra perform. My very first time in the Carnegie Hall. How do you get there? What's that? One more time? That's right, practice, practice, practice!
Oh, I have an Etsy page (also see sidebar). I've starting selling prints of some photos I've taken. If there's one in particular you want (from flickr), email me, specify the photo, I'll list it, and good ol' Etsy will take care of the rest. I'm still toying with prices, so you might see some fluctuation here and there.
Also, I want to try to earn a little extra money for moving.
Something about multitasking spreads my focus. I can never seem to hold on to a thought for more than 30 seconds.
Sometimes when I cool down from a hot temper, I feel silly and embarrassed.
It's so much easier to read others' blogs than to come up with my own ideas for writing. An idea will flash before me then disappear just as quickly. Forgotten forever. Frustrating.
I really like the ring "Hey May" has.
Of course the very first thing I notice are the plurals with apostrophes, but then I still feel really pleased and validated, because my friend is really pleased with the photos. And her friends seem to like them okay, too. But then I feel some sort of imagined pressure, because she asked me to bring my camera to all her gigs, like she expects me to pull out good shots every single time she performs. And different shots. Well, I guess I can look at it as a challenge.
I guess I'm just scared taking pictures won't be fun anymore. And I'm totally taking things out of perspective. These past few years I've made a conscious effort to enjoy as much as possible. I enjoy hard work. I don't necessarily enjoy depression or going to therapy or "that" time of the month, but I appreciate what I've gained from them. When I decided to get another camera a few months ago, I was excited about what I might be able to do as an amateur photographer. I looked for a camera that wasn't all that expensive, and I did a good deal of research that had to factor in what I wanted in a camera as well as my budget.
Now, before a certain parental goes ballistic about my priorities and starts to loudly and hysterically wonder when I'm going to ever apply and pay for naturalization, she can just calm down because I did it already, I mailed in the application and the fee yesterday, thank you very much, so I am really enjoying the camera and I feel photos can add to this journal. Plus, I like being able to share photos from friends's vacations or various gigs or just interesting things around town.
I've learned stuff about focus. And perspective. And I'm not talking only about photography here.
So, yeah. I went over the N-400 at least 5 times, made sure all the information I provided was accurate. Where I've lived in the past 5 years. Where I've worked in the past 5 years. Signed it, dated it. Wrote a check. Thanked my mom in my heart for helping make that possible. Put the application and check in an envelope. Took it to the post office, and mailed it. Yesterday. I kinda can't believe I have to study a test on Americana and be sworn in as a citizen. I'm not sure when it's all going to happen, but does anyone want to come to my swearing in?
Here is a memo the apartment building management distributed to the tenants on Thursday:
Memo
May 15th, 2008
To: All Tenants/Occupants
(Distributed to all apartments)
From: Management
Re: Cigarette Butts and Dog Butt
________________________________________
This is another of those periodic reminders regarding "housekeeping" in the common areas and outdoor space of our building:
SMOKERS
Please do not smoke in any of the common areas, or dispose of cigarette butts in the stairwell, on the roof, out the window, or off the balcony.
DOG OWNERS
From the butt of your dog issues forth an unsightly, smelly product. Please clean up the mess promptly.
Fellow tenants and [building] employees will appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Thank you.
***
All right, I don't even know where or how to begin with this one. It's polite enough, I guess. The bit about the smokers I can understand just fine. Regarding the dog owners, it's so bizarre seeing the words dog butt in a memo addressed to a few hundred tenants in a building right smack in the middle of Manhattan. I mean, I guess they were trying to be clever with all the butts, but all I feel is awkward and that the management is a bunch of weirdos.
Here are a couple of statements from people that I could have taken offense to:
A woman at church, after sacrament meeting last Sunday, "So, how is Mothers' Day for you, being single?"
After looking at my newly arrived learner's permit, "At least you don't look 16..."
For the record, I love Mothers' Day. I think moms deserve more than just one day for us to celebrate them. Do I constantly wallow in self loathing and pity? No. Would I like a family of my own someday? Yes. That doesn't mean I think Mothers' Day is a horrible holiday.
Man, I don't look 16. That must mean I look older than 16. As an almost-32-year-old, being mistaken for 16 actually sounds kind of nice. That's one thing I'm blaming on New York City, the acceleration of my aging process.
Oh, I don't know if I announced receiving my learner's permit in the mail. I'm still deciding whether to scan it and post it for the entire world to see.
I'm preparing to write an About Me page to go with this journal. What I would LOVE is your two cents. Comment with something you know about me. The rule is, I have to use whatever you write. Your rule is, there are no rules. Write whatever you want, good, bad, ugly. You can even leave yourselves anonymous if you want. It can be one word; it can be many. You can also comment as often as you want. If you forget something, go ahead and add it! You're anonymous anyway, right? Thing is, if you're anonymous, you can't delete, which means you can't retract. I'm going to use everything. Of course, I'll be writing a few things about myself. What? Opinions about myself are solely based on the impressions and opinions of others? Because that would be mentally healthy.
Need hints? here are some:
Think back to elementary/junior high/high school/college
Imagine my pets
Discuss where I've lived
Describe my (very few and very endearing) quirks
I'm sure you can come up with something on your own as well. I'll post-date this entry for Saturday, because that's when I plan on finishing the write-up.
Enjoy.
Some friends and I are going to see Kristin Plater perform in the village in a little bit. She's got some new songs and covers and she's trying to get a band together. Tonight won't be a solo gig. Pretty exciting.
A complete stranger made a comment for the About Me page. Except she's not necessarily anonymous, because she linked the comment to her website, but I truly do not know this person. It's just interesting. This is the first true breach into my blogosphere. Not to confused with blogoverse. I don't know whether to be excited or go into witness protection. I did look at the stranger's website, though. She seems pretty nice. She'd be a fun friend.
I'll post more after the gig tonight, maybe. I won't stay up too late, because I have that run tomorrow. Woo.
I'll go ahead and post a photo here. Can I just say some of my photos in flickr are getting comments? I don't mind complete strangers saying things there. That's pretty fun. This shot was taken at dusk at Fort Tryon Park, exactly a month ago today. I got invited into a Fort Tryon Park group last Sunday, where members can dump a bunch of photos related to the park and comment on each other's pictures, and so I contributed a few, and this photo is the last one that received a comment:
It's the one straight ahead. It's the east side of the building. It's reflecting the Chase building in the tall windows. 51 floors. Yeah, notice all those windows? And you know that Windex commercial where the windows on that house are so clean the birds keep crashing into them? That's what happens to my building. Birds swoop down and see the pretty flowers on display in the lobby and smack themselves right into the building. Except it's not funny. They don't shake the dizzy stars from their heads and brush themselves off and join their birdy friends perching in the nearby trees or power cables. No, their buddy friends don't laugh. Nobody laughs, because it's not funny. I've felt the slightest vibration in the air twice in the past two weeks, early in the morning. Vibrations that hinted that something wasn't quite right with the world. Not necessarily related to world disasters. Two separate vibrations, the tiniest of pulses in the air. Two birds caused these vibrations, at different points in time, when they collided with my work building and glanced off the cruel windows and died. Dead. Two in the past two weeks. I found the first one last week and the next one this morning. I promise I won't be documenting all these misfortunes. They've sucked a little bit of life out of me. I need all the little bits of life I can get.
A poll
Cringe - I'll definitely expound on this, and I might need your help
Prayer
It's raining like the dickens right now. Yowzers.
Well, every once in a while I check my blog stats. I know it's not completely accurate, because the people in Florida who read this blog are not accounted for. Here's one of the drill-downs:
| Num | City | Region | Country Name | ||
 | New York | New York | United States |  | |
| Elmhurst | New York | United States | | |
| San Jose | California | United States | | |
| Omaha | Nebraska | United States | | |
| Los Angeles | California | United States | | |
| Westland | Michigan | United States | | |
| Tempe | Arizona | United States | | |
| Dallas | Texas | United States | | |
| Singapore | Singapore | Singapore |  | |
| Johnstown | Pennsylvania | United States | | |
| Glendale | California | United States | | |
| New Haven | Connecticut | United States | | |
| Round Rock | Texas | United States | | |
| Mountain View | California | United States | | |
| Storrs Mansfield | Connecticut | United States | | |
| Croton On Hudson | New York | United States | | |
| Cheyenne | Wyoming | United States | | |
| Woodstock | Georgia | United States | | |
| Bronx | New York | United States | | |
| Irvine | California | United States | |
See? Nothing in Florida. But what's up with SINGAPORE? Another reason I don't think the blog stat site isn't working properly is because my friend in Japan doesn't show up. Or my friend in Kazakhstan. Also? Why does Rochester show up on the map page, but not on this page? A few other towns are like that, too. I also have a visitor from Louisiana, but you wouldn't know by looking at the table.
I happened to make a friend of sorts out of checking out the stats. Colorado - again, not on the table. I'll write more about that another time. But yeah, you should check out this person's photos. They're ridiculous.
- Mood:
curious
That was kind of a side thought.
Tonight I have to write about my thoughts singing one of the hymns yesterday at church. This photo has nothing to do with that:
I didn't have a poodle skirt, but Gaby had a cute scarf in her hair, and she wanted a photo of our scarves.
This is way before the police busted us for disturbing the peace. Or uninhibited fun but no contraband to show for it.
5/7, Wed - Heather Armstrong will be in town for a book signing. (Her latest newsletter is out, by the way.)
5/17, Sat - Healthy Kidney 10K. I signed up to run this. Subject to change.
5/18, Sun - Meg Hutchinson will be performing on WFUV 90.7FM. See if you can catch it online.
5/22, Thurs - The day yours truly was born. SYTYCD premiere. Indiana Jones 4 release.
5/23-5/26, Fri-Mon - Road trip to NC to visit old friend who used to live here.
5/29-5/30, Thurs-Fri - National Spelling Bee.
6/18, Wed - Meg Hutchinson performs at the Bryant Park Concert Series.
6/18-6/19, Wed-Thurs - Emmylou Harris performs at Town Hall.
6/22, Sun - Yael Naim performs at Central Park Summerstage.
It feels like it's barely spring here, but let the summer begin.
The thing is, I don't remember what these items are supposed to remind me of. Let's see if I can walk through this. Well, I do know about my toilets entry. It's going to be about how not a single residential toilet in all of New York City functions like a normal toilet. Seriously.I did somewhat start the tall/short survey last week when I counted 10 people (babies! toddlers! underdeveloped children!) I was taller than. That was a red-letter day for me. Have you seen how many very, very tall people live here?
Ooh. Wit is a movie starring Emma Thompson that I really, really like. It does deserve its very own entry. I'm glad I remembered that or I would have been forced to write about how funny I think I am. My funny ebbs more than flows, but if I'm faced with certain trying situations that happen to involve people tightrope walking on a jumprope to a bedroom window, I can laugh it off gently, apply subtle humor, or really turn on the sarcasm. I've got the whole range of the dial, baby. Hmm. Do I?
Earlier today, when I looked at "music lessons," I really had no idea what that was supposed to be about. Was I looking into taking music lessons? Did so-and-so at church sound like she was taking music lessons? What's with music lessons? Did Patty Griffin take music lessons? (The answer is yes, she took guitar lessons in Boston, and her teacher suggested she do gigs but she was too shy so he performed with her until she got up the courage to start singing and playing on her own and got discovered, blah blah blah.) But then, I remembered, oh yeah, music lessons. Muh-YOOzick lessons. I was going to give my thoughts on children taking music lessons, because I have a friend looking into her children maybe taking up an instrument.
And, finally, rice. For reals, what about rice? HA! Just as I was typing the question, it came to me: What do people need to do with 80 pounds of rice? Costco and other bulk stores are limiting rice sales to four 20-pound bags per customer. The price of rice has doubled in a very short period of time. And for some reason, that pushes the panic button in some people which makes them buy all the rice and not leave enough for everyone else. For those of you who pride yourselves on being prepared for emergencies, give others the chance to store some food, too. Mormons, you're supposed to share. Calm the flippin' heck down. Oh my heck. What the heck. That's heckariffic.
Quite a few things I don't quite understand about my religion. The splinter, fundamentalist groups are bringing all of this to light.
Higher laws and temporal laws. Law of consecration, tithing. Polygamy, monogamy? Going to have to go on faith with a few things. The scriptures suggest in the next life we'll have the same sociality as we've established here on Earth, and at church a few weeks ago sociality was defined (at least partially) as family. I could go on about it, but that makes sense. People comment on the timing of the revelation to stop practicing polygamy with Utah's acceptance to the Union. Convenient, they say. I'm gonna fall back on God's will here, because I'm so very ill-prepared to respond. I could rationalize it, say the Mormons had trekked all the way to Utah to escape religious persecution, but they still wanted rights as Americans, and if polygamy was getting in the way of that, and if America was the place God had chosen to get the church up and running, then, by golly, Latter-day Saints would stop practicing polygamy.
Just thinking aloud here. This is not something I think a lot about or that would shake my testimony in any way.
I mentioned to someone that the government will most likely pass legislation on same-sex marriage. Then why not also polygamous marriage? The former is more openly accepted, and the latter is being practiced without much prosecution or enforcement of the law. I would assume quite a few polygamous families exist out there that are quite "normal" - no abuse, brainwashing, neglect in the name of religion; no fraud behind the front of a non-profit organization to misuse/misappropriate welfare. Also? in America the overstepping by law enforcement in regards to religion is a very fine yet blurry line, and to produce evidence for prosecution is going to be difficult. I really hope they do find evidence, because abuse is SO NOT COOL. If you didn't already know how I feel about that, there ya have it. But the welfare part? Well, it stirs up bad feelings among the rest of America. It's deception and definitely fraud, and when you're not honest about your lot in life and taking advantage of and loopholing your way through the system, America wants their money back. Now.
Also? Weird beliefs you can't prosecute. That's America, people. If I wanted to believe my rabbits are fearless leaders who promised me a better life on the planet Lagamorph, that's my right. Police didn't storm Koresh and the branch Davidians for being weirdos; they seized the compound because it stockpiled a very illegal arsenal (more apparent) and because of child abuse and domestic violence (which the leaders were found guilty of). If the government can find the FLDS parents guilty of abuse and fraud, then that puts those parents in a very familiar, less blurry field of the law, and they won't be able to hind behind religion.
Sorry for getting off track. But let's just say they legalized same-sex marriage, then polygamous marriage right behind it. That does not necessarily mean the church to which I belong would instantly start practicing polygamy. That does not mean the people who practice it now are practicing Mormons. All it would mean is if you wanted to, regardless of religion and without the law's thumb pressing upon you, you could be married simultaneously to more than one spouse. And that - that - I'm not so sure about how I feel.
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