Here is a memo the apartment building management distributed to the tenants on Thursday:

Memo
May 15th, 2008
To: All Tenants/Occupants
      (Distributed to all apartments)
From: Management
Re: Cigarette Butts and Dog Butt
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
This is another of those periodic reminders regarding "housekeeping" in the common areas and outdoor space of our building:

SMOKERS
Please do not smoke in any of the common areas, or dispose of cigarette butts in the stairwell, on the roof, out the window, or off the balcony.

DOG OWNERS
From the butt of your dog issues forth an unsightly, smelly product. Please clean up the mess promptly.

Fellow tenants and [building] employees will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Thank you.
***
All right, I don't even know where or how to begin with this one. It's polite enough, I guess. The bit about the smokers I can understand just fine. Regarding the dog owners, it's so bizarre seeing the words dog butt in a memo addressed to a few hundred tenants in a building right smack in the middle of Manhattan. I mean, I guess they were trying to be clever with all the butts, but all I feel is awkward and that the management is a bunch of weirdos.

Here are a couple of statements from people that I could have taken offense to:
A woman at church, after sacrament meeting last Sunday, "So, how is Mothers' Day for you, being single?"
After looking at my newly arrived learner's permit, "At least you don't look 16..."

For the record, I love Mothers' Day. I think moms deserve more than just one day for us to celebrate them. Do I constantly wallow in self loathing and pity? No. Would I like a family of my own someday? Yes. That doesn't mean I think Mothers' Day is a horrible holiday. 

Man, I don't look 16. That must mean I look older than 16. As an almost-32-year-old, being mistaken for 16 actually sounds kind of nice. That's one thing I'm blaming on New York City, the acceleration of my aging process.

Oh, I don't know if I announced receiving my learner's permit in the mail. I'm still deciding whether to scan it and post it for the entire world to see.